Feeling old

Today at work I felt old.

I work at a leisure centre doing a bit of everything, and today my job was to supervise a school trip at the centre - my old secondary school.

Some of the same teachers were there, but a lot had changed about the school - which I could tell before chatting to the year 9 pupils. I was in their year group six years ago. I was last at the school two years ago, when I was a sixth former. And today I was in charge of them. How weird is that?

I'm no stranger to being in charge of groups of school children. Every half term I work at a kids club at the centre, and most weekends I run children's birthday parties at the centre too - but this was different, this was my old school. 

The kids were calling me "Miss", and not only were the kids listening to me - but the staff were too. The teachers who once had authority over me were now following my instructions. Any pupils dream, surely?

This isn't the only thing making me feel old at the moment though, my birthday is looming. 

I am going to be turning twenty. While that may seem like one of those insignificant birthday's to many, for me it's frightening. I realise twenty isn't actually old, really in the scheme of things it's the beginning - but at the same time it marks an end. The end of my teen years, and in turn too my childhood.

As one friend described it: "The next decade is when I need to achieve the most" - the twenties are important, which is frightening. 

Luckily, like the picture on this post says - I may be getting older, and getting more responsibilities, but it doesn't mean I have to grow up. As my Gran says: "You're as old as you feel."

Procrastination - not necessarily a bad thing.

I procrastinate - a lot. 

At university my class know me as the Queen of The Last Minute Club, not a title I'm necessarily proud of, nor one I aim to keep - in fact I've tried avoiding it. Losing this title appears as difficult as losing any addiction.

Obviously there are some ways I could drop the imaginary crown, becoming more organised may be a start. I could stop putting things off, telling myself "That's next month, I have ages." only to find that next month starts tomorrow (I've done this more than once).

Organisation isn't the only problem. I often just put the problems off, leaving them for future-Shelby to deal with, then she puts them off for future-future-Shelby to do, who then panics and curses past-Shelby.

Sometimes, of course, living in the moment and being happy right now is great - but it's also stupid. I waste time worrying and stressing, when if I got things done straight away I would have nothing to worry about in the future.

BUT - sometimes procrastination is good. 

Sometimes having a break from endless work - voluntary, university assignments, or my job - is good.

Not only am I a university student, but I am also a part-time recreational assistant/bar staff at the local leisure centre, as well as being the MyUni editor of the Canterbury Christ Church (CCCU) page on HerUni, and a writer for the independent student magazine, The Medwire, and a publicist for my sisters upcoming charity event, Wales2Medway - it's hard enough trying to find a moment to breath while reading that list, let alone living it - is it any wonder I sometimes put tasks off? 

Procrastination in my case is often good as it means I can find a moment to breathe and fit a social life in between my busy schedule (I actually have to tell my friends "I'll check my diary" when they even suggest something as small as a lunch date). It also means I get a breather to enjoy 'me time' - quality time with myself is as important as any quality time with family and friends (without it I would appear even less sane than I already do).

Right now, for instance, I am supposed to be editing and uploading an editorial for CCCU MyUni - but quite frankly, I needed a break. One-hour-in-the-future-Shelby can deal with that one, because I am too busy writing my first personal blog for far too long, eating a dinner despite not even being hungry, and having an indulgent skim of Cosmopolitan magazine.